Not able to sleep. got out of bed, and Journeyed to see the Priest on the High Mountain. He is my friend. There ai did various exercises control my state of relaxation, sometimes keeping the control in the center between relaxed and excited, sometimes going back and forth from one extreme to the other.
For me, the key is the angle at which I bend my neck. Tradition teaches that we should always keep out neck straight. If I do this, it will take me a very long time to get to a relaxed state - at least 90 minutes. If I bend my neck so that my chin barely touches my chest, I can get into a relaxed state within 15 minutes. I I keep my neck half bent, I have better control keeping a steady state.
When I am in a relaxed state, the top of my head feels numb. It feels like there is a weight on top of my head, approximately 5 to 10 LBS. The top part of my ears tingle very strongly. The rest of my skin also tingles. I describe it as feeling as though there are hands placed upon my head, as if in the attitude of pronouncing a blessing.
20 years ago, when I reached this state, and stayed in it for more than 40 minutes, I begin to sweat. At 90 minutes, I am getting warm. At 3 hours, My clothes are moist, and I need a blanket to wrap around me to stay warm.
So Something important is happening in Indian Sweat Lodges. I wonder what is in that sweat. Are there pheromones? Is this a way of sharing information or feelings with sweat lodge brothers?
Friday, August 13, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Tower of Legends
I am currently exploring the Tower of Legends. There is a part upstairs that I haven't figured out how to get to.
The first calming exercise was very difficult for me. As you began to calm down, an ornate door would begin to open. As I saw the soor begin to be open, and a peek at what lay behind it, I would get excited, and the door would slam shut. I closed my eyes to increase my relaxation, but if I peaked, the door would slam shut. I am just an excitable guy. I eventually got in by keeping my eyes closed for about 5 minutes. But I know this is cheating. They want me to learn how to relax while I am out in the world and seeing lots of things moving around me and hearing a tumult of noises. Each time I met a new calming exercise, there is a new and bigger distraction to make it more difficult for me to relax. So I will need to come to these places again, after exploring the whole world of this game, in order to learn to relax with my eyes and ears open
The data measured by the sensors on my fingertips isn't just for the game. The body also uses this information, it reacts to it. So the reaction of the game teaches me about the reaction of my body. I have something peculiar in how my heart beats. It was originally diagnosed as Trigeminy my my doctor in Kaiser Hospital. My doctor here in Texas thought it was trigeminy at first, but then he looked closer. Trigeminy is a faint beat after the 3rd heartbeat. For it to be Trigeminy, the time between the 3rd heartbeat and the faint beat must ALWAYS be the same. In my case, it is not. It clearly is a different amount of time. And sometimes when we took EEGs, it was gone. It is there all the time now. If the faint beat was always the same amount of time after the 3rd beat, this indicates the beginning heart valve damage. Mine is just a stress reaction.
As a result of this exercise, the game will not interpret my breathing techniques properly. My body doesn't either. So the deep, full seven count peace breathing technique does not work for me. What does work for me is to put my chin on chest, and breath through the nose very shallowly, very slowly, but not a 5 or 7 count. In fact, it reminds me of the breathing of reptiles when they sleep. I feel like I am not getting enough oxygen, but I must be, because I can do it for long periods of time. This breathing technique feels familiar. I think I discovered it by accident in High School, and have used it whenever I tried to meditate.
I always thought of Meditation as something for relaxation, but there are techniques to build excitement and energy. The Tower of LEgends really pushed my energy levels really high.
The teachers in the tower of legends taught by song. But you had to wander around and figure out how to find the teachers. This was all an initiation right to become a member of the blue tribe. Blue - to represent the our blue planet. It is a tribe of all conscious life on our world that have reached a higher state of consciousness and want to bring balance to this world. One world. one tribe.
The first calming exercise was very difficult for me. As you began to calm down, an ornate door would begin to open. As I saw the soor begin to be open, and a peek at what lay behind it, I would get excited, and the door would slam shut. I closed my eyes to increase my relaxation, but if I peaked, the door would slam shut. I am just an excitable guy. I eventually got in by keeping my eyes closed for about 5 minutes. But I know this is cheating. They want me to learn how to relax while I am out in the world and seeing lots of things moving around me and hearing a tumult of noises. Each time I met a new calming exercise, there is a new and bigger distraction to make it more difficult for me to relax. So I will need to come to these places again, after exploring the whole world of this game, in order to learn to relax with my eyes and ears open
The data measured by the sensors on my fingertips isn't just for the game. The body also uses this information, it reacts to it. So the reaction of the game teaches me about the reaction of my body. I have something peculiar in how my heart beats. It was originally diagnosed as Trigeminy my my doctor in Kaiser Hospital. My doctor here in Texas thought it was trigeminy at first, but then he looked closer. Trigeminy is a faint beat after the 3rd heartbeat. For it to be Trigeminy, the time between the 3rd heartbeat and the faint beat must ALWAYS be the same. In my case, it is not. It clearly is a different amount of time. And sometimes when we took EEGs, it was gone. It is there all the time now. If the faint beat was always the same amount of time after the 3rd beat, this indicates the beginning heart valve damage. Mine is just a stress reaction.
As a result of this exercise, the game will not interpret my breathing techniques properly. My body doesn't either. So the deep, full seven count peace breathing technique does not work for me. What does work for me is to put my chin on chest, and breath through the nose very shallowly, very slowly, but not a 5 or 7 count. In fact, it reminds me of the breathing of reptiles when they sleep. I feel like I am not getting enough oxygen, but I must be, because I can do it for long periods of time. This breathing technique feels familiar. I think I discovered it by accident in High School, and have used it whenever I tried to meditate.
I always thought of Meditation as something for relaxation, but there are techniques to build excitement and energy. The Tower of LEgends really pushed my energy levels really high.
The teachers in the tower of legends taught by song. But you had to wander around and figure out how to find the teachers. This was all an initiation right to become a member of the blue tribe. Blue - to represent the our blue planet. It is a tribe of all conscious life on our world that have reached a higher state of consciousness and want to bring balance to this world. One world. one tribe.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
My Brain is on FIRE
Still playing the game and lovin' it. Right now, the game is teaching me to be patient. One of the concepts is that going slow can actually get you there faster.
The biofeedback controller measures heart rate and skin conductivity. I read a whole article on how someone reverse engineered the interface to figure out how it worked. One of those dark niches of the WWW.
The main menu of the game let you see the heart rate in a real time graph, like a heart monitor at a hospital, but doesn't display the skin conductivity.
While looking at the graph of the heart beat, I remembered something. I have an irregular heartbeat. It has been called trigeminy, but it really doesn't qualify for that name. Trigeminy means there is a small blip on every third heart beat. But for it to be a true trigeminy, the distance/time from the third heart beat to the blip must always be the same. And in me, it is not. There have even been times when it goes away altogether. The literature says this is stress based. If it was always the same time/distance apart, it would mean a deformity of some kind in the heart of valves - a physical problem in the flesh.
I think the trigeminy is why it takes me so long to relax, or is a strong indicator of uncontrolled subconcious stress. So the game makes me meditate until that stress is less, my heartbeat gets more regular in spacing, and that shows up in the double spiral in the game. There are probably parts of the body that respond to the regularity of the heartbeat, like it was some kind of nexxus.
It is still hard to get to a state of total relaxation in the game, but I have reached the left end of the thermometer many times now, and kept it there without much effort once it is there. Still feels unnatural, though. When I mean unnatural, I mean I feel an uneasiness in my limbs, and it feels like I am breathing too shallow.
The good part is this warm feeling in the back of my head. I don't mean on the skin. This actually feels like it is in the brain. It gets all tingly. There was an activity in the game that likens this to a fire. That is what it feels like, a gentle fire in the brain.
The biofeedback controller measures heart rate and skin conductivity. I read a whole article on how someone reverse engineered the interface to figure out how it worked. One of those dark niches of the WWW.
The main menu of the game let you see the heart rate in a real time graph, like a heart monitor at a hospital, but doesn't display the skin conductivity.
While looking at the graph of the heart beat, I remembered something. I have an irregular heartbeat. It has been called trigeminy, but it really doesn't qualify for that name. Trigeminy means there is a small blip on every third heart beat. But for it to be a true trigeminy, the distance/time from the third heart beat to the blip must always be the same. And in me, it is not. There have even been times when it goes away altogether. The literature says this is stress based. If it was always the same time/distance apart, it would mean a deformity of some kind in the heart of valves - a physical problem in the flesh.
I think the trigeminy is why it takes me so long to relax, or is a strong indicator of uncontrolled subconcious stress. So the game makes me meditate until that stress is less, my heartbeat gets more regular in spacing, and that shows up in the double spiral in the game. There are probably parts of the body that respond to the regularity of the heartbeat, like it was some kind of nexxus.
It is still hard to get to a state of total relaxation in the game, but I have reached the left end of the thermometer many times now, and kept it there without much effort once it is there. Still feels unnatural, though. When I mean unnatural, I mean I feel an uneasiness in my limbs, and it feels like I am breathing too shallow.
The good part is this warm feeling in the back of my head. I don't mean on the skin. This actually feels like it is in the brain. It gets all tingly. There was an activity in the game that likens this to a fire. That is what it feels like, a gentle fire in the brain.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Crystals
I am not an expert in the Tibetan pracitices, but I do well enough that I wanted to explore other areas. The magic mirror from the Lady in the Woods' house told me to stay with the Tibetan Monk. I refused.
So I wandered around the Rock Garden that is next to the Sun Palace. There is a circle of large rocks, separated by distance. It has some look like Stone Henge. The stones were tall but oddly shaped. They had a grain to them, as if they were petrified wood. Each Rock was colored, and in the stones of the plaza in front of the stone there was a word carved. The words were like: Love, Trust, Beauty... The colors were dark green, purple, yellow,... I do not remember the associates of which color goes with which attribute.
I went up to the second level of the plaza and found some shops. The first shop was an activity using 6 hand-sized pieces of crystal, each on a plate. Behind them were 6 pillars, containg the hame of the attributes of Love, ... The activity was to match them up using the mouse. When You completed the activity, the stones appeared in your magic bag.
I remember seeing a pedestal in front of each stone, that would be just the right height to hold these crystals. So I went back down to the ground level of the plaza, and put the stones on each of the pedestals. My point of view changed, as if I was flying up to float over the center of the plaza, and off tothe side a bit. There was a circle in the center of the plaza that issued streams ot steam straight up. Then it began spewing forth bis of paper or ribbon in the six colors, and let them go in the wind. There seems to be six different winds, because each batch of colored paper were floating and flitting in completely different ways. Then they all came together over the center stone of the plaza and made a bright light which grew out, as it dissipated, there was a women sitting on a cushioned seat. She was dressed in bright colors. She spoke with an american accent, but her face indicated she was Japanese. Her hair style was definitely a generic Anime hairstyle, marking her as Japanese for sure.
She called her self the lady of compassion. She said as we practiced what she was going to teach me, we would develop compassion. She taught that there was something called "the compassionate breath". It is a breathing rhythm coupled with a mental image. We breath in for 5, out for 5. We imagine the breath going into and out of our hearts. As we do this, we should begin to feel a warmth near our heart. When we were in activities that required that kind of breath, one would see the outline of a heart appear in the center of the activity for a brief second once the activity started.
She said she was going to another temple to help many others, which she would do spiritually. Her body would be a rest. When I see her later, I can wake her up with a compassionate breath. (A modified Sleeping Beauty Quest). Then she faded away.
I went back up to the second floor to see what else was up there. There was a watch maker. There is a beautiful grandfather clock in the middle of his show room. The clock maker told me that Sophia had told him to expect me. He taught me that people experience time differently from each other, based on what they feel and how well they have prepared themselves to take advantage of the time-dialation or time-shrinkage. He told me to set the grandfather clock's arms on its face to twelve. Then he disappeared saying a lame joke that only an engineer would laugh at.
I entered the activity to move both clock fave arms to noon. I had to become extremely excited for it to happen. Guess what, it was hard for ,me today. Breathing fast, moving my hands, dancing, didn't do it. Only one thing worked for me - LAUGHING. So I shuckled, then giggled, and then laughed, and then laughed like I was being vigorously tickled, and ZIP - both colck face arms raced to NOON. I was then transported tothe clock machinery to a different place (SHADES of the Last Unicorn). The activity asked me to pick a place in the world, someplace where you have never been, and then with eyes closed, try to imagine as many things as possible as if you were in that place.
I choose Hawaii. I was amazed at how much I saw. It wasn't like I was looking at fotos, I was actively doing or watching something. I went snorkling and saw cool fish. I flew in a helicopter over the lave beds. I took a boat ride to see the lave beds. I rented a car and drove all the way around the island, I went to many shows. I met many people, both tourists and natives. I saw the native workers. I saw how they were treated, somethings I didn't like. The list is real long.
When the 60 seconds were up, we were asked how long we thought it was. I really felt it was more like 10 minutes. The voice of the mentor said for some people, it would seem like hours, days, weeks or years.
Then he gave me a pretty green ball. I have 3 balls now. Don't know what they are for.
I didn't want to stop, so I wen to what I thought was one more activity. It was an activity designed to use the compassionate breath. I couldn't get it to work at all. I will try again tomorrow.
There was a spiral stairway on either side of the compassionate heart activity center. The stairs took us to the roof of the center. The first activity was starting a rotary part of an engine. The did this by breathing. I got it to work easily.
This lead to a huge telescope. It would spin as I breathed. I finally figured out that if I began the breath at a certain point on the circular track that supported the telescope, and did a count 7 breath, the telescope would spin in a complete circle smoothly. If I then breathed out in the same way, the telescope would spin in a complete circle again. There is a yellow ball on top of the machinery that started the telescope to spin. When I clicked that ball, the scene changed to show an image of the universe. It would remain for about 10 seconds, and then we would have to spin the telescope some more before we could see another picture. I recognized the fotos. They are from the Hubble Telescope, except one. The also had a foto from one of the Apollo missions of the Earth. They were all beautiful.
I descended the stairs feel excited and awed.
So I wandered around the Rock Garden that is next to the Sun Palace. There is a circle of large rocks, separated by distance. It has some look like Stone Henge. The stones were tall but oddly shaped. They had a grain to them, as if they were petrified wood. Each Rock was colored, and in the stones of the plaza in front of the stone there was a word carved. The words were like: Love, Trust, Beauty... The colors were dark green, purple, yellow,... I do not remember the associates of which color goes with which attribute.
I went up to the second level of the plaza and found some shops. The first shop was an activity using 6 hand-sized pieces of crystal, each on a plate. Behind them were 6 pillars, containg the hame of the attributes of Love, ... The activity was to match them up using the mouse. When You completed the activity, the stones appeared in your magic bag.
I remember seeing a pedestal in front of each stone, that would be just the right height to hold these crystals. So I went back down to the ground level of the plaza, and put the stones on each of the pedestals. My point of view changed, as if I was flying up to float over the center of the plaza, and off tothe side a bit. There was a circle in the center of the plaza that issued streams ot steam straight up. Then it began spewing forth bis of paper or ribbon in the six colors, and let them go in the wind. There seems to be six different winds, because each batch of colored paper were floating and flitting in completely different ways. Then they all came together over the center stone of the plaza and made a bright light which grew out, as it dissipated, there was a women sitting on a cushioned seat. She was dressed in bright colors. She spoke with an american accent, but her face indicated she was Japanese. Her hair style was definitely a generic Anime hairstyle, marking her as Japanese for sure.
She called her self the lady of compassion. She said as we practiced what she was going to teach me, we would develop compassion. She taught that there was something called "the compassionate breath". It is a breathing rhythm coupled with a mental image. We breath in for 5, out for 5. We imagine the breath going into and out of our hearts. As we do this, we should begin to feel a warmth near our heart. When we were in activities that required that kind of breath, one would see the outline of a heart appear in the center of the activity for a brief second once the activity started.
She said she was going to another temple to help many others, which she would do spiritually. Her body would be a rest. When I see her later, I can wake her up with a compassionate breath. (A modified Sleeping Beauty Quest). Then she faded away.
I went back up to the second floor to see what else was up there. There was a watch maker. There is a beautiful grandfather clock in the middle of his show room. The clock maker told me that Sophia had told him to expect me. He taught me that people experience time differently from each other, based on what they feel and how well they have prepared themselves to take advantage of the time-dialation or time-shrinkage. He told me to set the grandfather clock's arms on its face to twelve. Then he disappeared saying a lame joke that only an engineer would laugh at.
I entered the activity to move both clock fave arms to noon. I had to become extremely excited for it to happen. Guess what, it was hard for ,me today. Breathing fast, moving my hands, dancing, didn't do it. Only one thing worked for me - LAUGHING. So I shuckled, then giggled, and then laughed, and then laughed like I was being vigorously tickled, and ZIP - both colck face arms raced to NOON. I was then transported tothe clock machinery to a different place (SHADES of the Last Unicorn). The activity asked me to pick a place in the world, someplace where you have never been, and then with eyes closed, try to imagine as many things as possible as if you were in that place.
I choose Hawaii. I was amazed at how much I saw. It wasn't like I was looking at fotos, I was actively doing or watching something. I went snorkling and saw cool fish. I flew in a helicopter over the lave beds. I took a boat ride to see the lave beds. I rented a car and drove all the way around the island, I went to many shows. I met many people, both tourists and natives. I saw the native workers. I saw how they were treated, somethings I didn't like. The list is real long.
When the 60 seconds were up, we were asked how long we thought it was. I really felt it was more like 10 minutes. The voice of the mentor said for some people, it would seem like hours, days, weeks or years.
Then he gave me a pretty green ball. I have 3 balls now. Don't know what they are for.
I didn't want to stop, so I wen to what I thought was one more activity. It was an activity designed to use the compassionate breath. I couldn't get it to work at all. I will try again tomorrow.
There was a spiral stairway on either side of the compassionate heart activity center. The stairs took us to the roof of the center. The first activity was starting a rotary part of an engine. The did this by breathing. I got it to work easily.
This lead to a huge telescope. It would spin as I breathed. I finally figured out that if I began the breath at a certain point on the circular track that supported the telescope, and did a count 7 breath, the telescope would spin in a complete circle smoothly. If I then breathed out in the same way, the telescope would spin in a complete circle again. There is a yellow ball on top of the machinery that started the telescope to spin. When I clicked that ball, the scene changed to show an image of the universe. It would remain for about 10 seconds, and then we would have to spin the telescope some more before we could see another picture. I recognized the fotos. They are from the Hubble Telescope, except one. The also had a foto from one of the Apollo missions of the Earth. They were all beautiful.
I descended the stairs feel excited and awed.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Man on the Mountain
I did pretty well today. On the exercises where I was supposed to be in a steady state, not tending towards excitement nor relaxation, I did very well. In one exercise, balloons float across the view outside a window of a large mountain. The balloons went straight across, no dips, no valleys. I still had trouble on the relaxing exercise, but only about 20% of what it was like yesterday. And I finally, for the first time, reached the end of the relaxation side of the double spiral thermometer. Once I got their, I kept it there for a long time. At that time, I let out one long sustained fart. Fortunately, it was dry.
These are all Tibetan meditation techniques. The guide inside the temple room at the top of the mountain speaks with a Tibetan accent. Although it is not an image of the Dali Lama, the recording has a sense of humor like his.
This evening I will go to the Lady in the Woods, to find out where the mirror may send me next
These are all Tibetan meditation techniques. The guide inside the temple room at the top of the mountain speaks with a Tibetan accent. Although it is not an image of the Dali Lama, the recording has a sense of humor like his.
This evening I will go to the Lady in the Woods, to find out where the mirror may send me next
Granpa Brown was right!
As I experimented with the double spiral thermometer, I found out something interest. When I connect to it, the thermometer shoots up to the Excitement end very fast. I am really excitable. I thought I could make the affect less pronounced if I gAVE MY SELF AN ALL OVER MASSAGE. That made it even worse.
It takes me a lot of steady, shallow breathing to get into a relaxed state. It takes constant effort just to main it. It feels unnatural. When I stop focusing on it, the thermometer quickly raises back the the excited end - DING.
I have got a lot of work to do. And Granpa Brown was Right! I DO GOTTA LEARN TO RELAX
It takes me a lot of steady, shallow breathing to get into a relaxed state. It takes constant effort just to main it. It feels unnatural. When I stop focusing on it, the thermometer quickly raises back the the excited end - DING.
I have got a lot of work to do. And Granpa Brown was Right! I DO GOTTA LEARN TO RELAX
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Weird Affect.
The week prior to getting the game, I had 2 bouts of painful constipation 4 days apart. The first time made me scream like I was being murdered, The plug was just smaller than my fist, followed by a shaft 6 inches long and 3 inches in diameter. It just wasn't coming out, and I was too chicken. Eventually, after 4 hours to digging out small chunks with the tip of my king finger on the right hand, I gave in. I put my hands on the top of the toilet, put my knees on the support bar for my raised toilet seat, arched my back and pushed. Out it came. My own personal tar baby. The head was cone shaped.
I was already taking fiber, so we doubled the amount, and this was giving me normal bowel movements.
Then I got the game and played it for 4 hours. I stopped because I really had to go to the bathroom. I felt like I needed to pee. So I went to the bathroom, and began to urinate. As I did so, I could feel something dripping from my ass into my underwear. It was very lose, but not soupy feces. It was coming out in droplets the size of a quarter. I couldn't even feel it happening. All I felt was a tug inside my underwear, and then another, and again - each a few seconds apart. What a mess. But it does proof something. The constipation wasn't due to to many pain drugs, it was stress. Take away the stress, and it flows out unbidden.
I spoke with my MD about this. The cone shaped blockage (the head of my tar baby) was that shape because of how my sphincter nerve was shaped. It is small, but should be larger, so their is a cavity to fill up before I fill any pressure against the anus.
I was already taking fiber, so we doubled the amount, and this was giving me normal bowel movements.
Then I got the game and played it for 4 hours. I stopped because I really had to go to the bathroom. I felt like I needed to pee. So I went to the bathroom, and began to urinate. As I did so, I could feel something dripping from my ass into my underwear. It was very lose, but not soupy feces. It was coming out in droplets the size of a quarter. I couldn't even feel it happening. All I felt was a tug inside my underwear, and then another, and again - each a few seconds apart. What a mess. But it does proof something. The constipation wasn't due to to many pain drugs, it was stress. Take away the stress, and it flows out unbidden.
I spoke with my MD about this. The cone shaped blockage (the head of my tar baby) was that shape because of how my sphincter nerve was shaped. It is small, but should be larger, so their is a cavity to fill up before I fill any pressure against the anus.
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